The woman who loved my son first

Once upon a February, in the year 2020…

Today I witnessed a woman make what had to be the hardest decision she’s ever made. A decision that required painstaking deliberation, but probably mostly just plain guttural courage.  A decision she might wrestle with for a long time, maybe even forever. 

Today I witnessed a woman entrust another couple with her baby’s every moment from now until forever, then bravely walk out of the hospital without the human she grew in her womb.

Today I witnessed a woman make the conscious choice to face the inevitable pain and grief that await her, all so that her baby could have more.

Today I witnessed a woman demonstrate a mother’s love in one of the rawest and most profound ways.

Today, because of this woman, I’m a mom.   

I’ll forever be in awe of her strength.  This mother.  The woman who loved my son first.       

She gave him life, and then gave him the best life she knew how.  The idea that the future she’s chosen for him is one in which he calls me “Mom” is, well….a level of wow I can’t quantify.  

The only thing I do know for sure is that I will parent with reverence for the trust that has been placed in me.  

What a treasure for him to know, as he grows, that he became our family because she loved him that much.  What a gift for me to know, as his mom, that someone out there will also want the best for him, always, in a way only a mother can.  And what gratitude I have knowing his best interests were protected before it was my turn to do it.    

For all of this, my heart swells. 

She didn’t allow her sacrifice a voice today, but I hope she never undervalues just what it means to our family, and the special place she’ll hold in her son’s story.         

I’ll give him the world if I’m able,  but she will always be the one who gave him (and me) the most. ♥    


My path to parenthood was not a straight line.  Giving a voice to “thoughts, struggles and victories in the real world,” in a responsible way, has always been the sole mission of this blog.  With that as my intention, I’ll be sharing more about it in upcoming posts.  

About Kristin Dowell

Kristin is a group fitness instructor and personal trainer with certifications from ACE and AFAA, is qualified to coach over a dozen specialty programs, and is the creator of 3 exercise DVDs. From creating physical training programs for fire academies, to teaching preschool dance, (and just about everything in between)...
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